Ode to Tea

Its all I'm drinking at the moment.
Earl grey or lyons tea.

Tea is awesome and calming and soothing and makes me very happy.
It keeps me warm and is just one boiled kettle away.
Yay tea!

3 more exams, 3 more days, then I'm free!!

Then I'm gonna buy a new netbook and I've gotta facepaint for a children's birthday party
YAY!!

And then party with friends and then sleep and then my boyfriend is in turkey for a week.
And then I get him back and we get to go househunting. woo

How do you define yourself?

I find it difficult to define who I am.

But then definitions are not what humans are.

Its all about putting people in boxes isn't it?

Its a problem that I can't really imagine what I want to do.

In the future like.

In 6 months, I'll be in college coz it's expected of me.

I'll do languages coz they are useful to escape with.

I'll drink my liver out. 

I want to fall back into the abyss. But then I'm more than half way there.

I want to dance in the rain, and fuck on the kitchen table.

I want to bury my head into his neck and avoid the world.

I want to scream back to the storm and have tatoos all over.

I want to wear pretty dresses and dr martens.

I want to have a baby to nurture and a home and a cat.

I want to be loved for who I am, not who I pretend to be.

I want to show him who I really am.

But I don't know. And definitions are hard. 

Help?

An End or a Begining?

I'm not sure yet.
College in September, no matter what.
Well, depending on how honours maths went.
If I fail, then I'm repeating and I won't care this time.

I've been swinging between don't-eat-coz-you're-a fat-bitch-who-doesn't-deserve-it and you-need-to-do-well-in-these-exams-and-you'll-never-escape-otherwise-so-eat.
Got no motavation to eat after the exams.
Hence, get to go back to jogging and coffee and sleep.
No more study or exams. It shall be amazing.
I was up to 130 last time I weighed myself.
Not been near since. Gonna avoid that til next Monday.

Having people over for end of exam/birthday business Saturday.
So loads of vodka/rum/weed and crazy people.
Severely crazy people. Like 2 people, who i'm not sure what the story is with at all.
Like what am I to do when they won't even bother to talk to me?
I don't know. Ideas?

But fasting come the 27th. And househunting. Yay.